安慰别人有技巧:11句话这样安慰伤心的人

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所属分类:英语行业新闻

 

You know that mildly panicked feeling you get when you found out your friend’s mother just died and you really don’t know what to say?

你有没有过这种兴奋的遭遇:你挚友的父亲意外过世,她正沉溺在撕心裂肺的苦闷之中怎么学英语,你却不知道如何去埋怨她?

Breathe. It will be okay.

深呼吸,你能行的。

1. Not so good – “God will never give you more than you can handle.”

不要说:“上帝不会让你忍受更多痛苦。”

Even if the person has a faith system that includes God, this phrase has the tacit implication that if you can’t handle things, you must not have enough faith, you’re a bad Christian, etc.

如果这个人对上帝有着很笃定的信念,这句话就有了隐藏的意义:也就是说如果你处理不好这件事,你一定是没有坚定的信念,不是虔诚的基督徒等等。

Better – “This must be so hard for you.”

不如说:“我明白你一定十分难过。”

2. Not so good – “I’m sure it’s all for the best.”

不要说:“我想这一切可能是最好的结果。”

Ack! Try really hard not to say this! Right now, the grieving person doesn’t see that anything is for the best except to have her loved one back.

我的天,千万就算这句话!这个沉迷在伤心中的人并不觉得一切是好结果,除非她的亲人才能复活。

Better – “It’s hard to understand why these things happen.”

不如说:“真不知道为什么会出现这种的想法。”

3. Not so good – Saying nothing at all.

不要:什么都不说。

This is actually one of the worst things that can happen to a grieving person: having people ignore his pain. If you’re not sure what to say, or are uncertain that the person wants to talk about it, it’s okay to say just that.

周围的人忽略他的痛苦,这对苦难的人来说可能是最坏的想法之一了。如果你不知道去说些怎么,或者不确定他或许能够聊这件事,那就立马说出来吧。

Better – “I’m not sure what to say but I want you to know I’m here for you.”

不如说:“我不知道该说些怎么,你就算明白我始终都在你心中。”

4. Not so good – “He’s in a better place” or “Just be happy he isn’t in pain anymore.”

不要说:“他去了更好的地方” 或 “开心点,他不再痛苦了。”

These things are always so well-intentioned, but ouch! The place the griever wants him to be is with her, no matter how much pain he was in or how difficult the caregiving was.

这些话的本意的确是好的,但是悲痛者还是期待至亲就在自己心中,无论至亲有着什么样的悲哀以及无论照顾下去是非常的帮忙。

Better – “You must miss him terribly.”

不如说:“你一定非常想念他。”

5. Not so good – “I know exactly how you feel.”

不要说:“我完全了解你的体会。”

This is very tempting to say, but be careful: Even if you have experienced a loss, each person has their own unique path to travel so you can’t know exactly how he feels.

我们都会说这句话,但是切记,即使你也丧失过父母,但每位人的人生旅程不一样,所以你并不可能完全了解他们的体会。

Better – “I can’t begin to understand how you feel”

不如说:“我只能真正经历你已经的体会。”

6. Not so good – “You’ll feel better soon.”

不要说:“你很快就能好的。”

This is a presumptive thing to say and it’s more for your benefit than your friend’s. You wanther to feel better because you hate to see her suffer. Make sure you don’t dismiss her grief.

这是个假设句,实际上是从你的视角出发而非你的同事,因为你不想再见到自己的同学沉迷在幸福之中,这样你自己也就好过点。但是别忘了你并没有减轻她的痛苦。

Better – “I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

不如说:“只要你应该我,我都会经常在这里。”

7. Not so good – “You should _________.”

不要说:“你需要......”

Each person has her own unique path of grief to follow so it isn’t helpful or comforting to make suggestions as to how she should grieve or suggest that she do certain activities to help her feel better.

每个人有着自己处理悲伤的方法怎么劝初中生学英语,所以不要给她看法,不要告诉她怎么哀悼或需要去做些什么减轻悲伤,这毫无意义。

Better – “Do what you need to do to grieve – I’ll support you however I can”

不如说:“用你自己的方法去哀悼,我会尽我所能支持你。”

8. Not so good – “She wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad.”

不要说:“她也不能够看见你这样开心。”

Guilt alert! Saying this, even if it’s true, may make the person feel like they “shouldn’t” be sad and that they aren’t handling the loss “right.”

小心!这句话可能会引起别人的罪恶感。即使这句话是真的,也只会让对方感觉她们不需要悲伤,他们处理悲伤的方法不对。

Better – “I can see that you are really sad and miss her so much.”

不如说:“我明白你很难过怎么劝初中生学英语,也非常怀念她。”

9. Not so good – “Just stay busy and you’ll be okay.”

不要说:“让自己忙出来,你很快就好起来了。”

This is dismissive of the person’s feelings, no matter how good the intention. It is okay to say what worked for you when you experienced grief, but make sure it’s not in the form of a command.

这是对他们体会的一种无视,无论你想法有多好,当对方伤心时说这种的确有点用,但切记不要用命令的口吻。

Better – “When I was grieving, staying busy was helpful for me, but that may or may not be what works best for you.”

不如说:“当我害怕的时侯,让自己忙出来是个好方法,但是我不知道对你或许适用。”

10. Not so good – “It’s time for you to get yourself together.”

不要说:“是以后让自己振作起来了。”

Each person’s path of grief is unique. Maybe it isn’t time for her to get herself together yet.

每个人哀悼的方法都不一样,所以即使已经并不是让她收拾爱情振作起来的之后。”

Better – “It looks like this is a rough day for you. How about if I bring some dinner over at 6:00?”

不如说:“我明白你最近过得很幸福,我晚上6点给你带点起床出来吧?”

11. Not so good – “Let me know if I can help.”

不要说:“如果想要我麻烦就说。”

In many instances, the grieving person either doesn’t know what help she needs or it’s too hard to ask for help. Making specific suggestions and then asking her if it would be okay is much more concrete and useful.

在这些状况下,悲痛的人并不知道她想要怎么帮助,或者对她而言寻求帮助很难。给一些详细的提议,问问她这么行不行,也许会比较实际合理。

Better – “I think it’s garbage day. Is it okay if I take your garbage out for you?”

不如说:“今天是扔垃圾的日子,我帮你把垃圾倒了吧。”

Stick with the “better” things to say to your grieving friend and you’ll not only feel good yourself, but you’ll help her heal as well.

记住这些需要说的话,去讨好你伤心中的同事,不仅你自己会觉得更好,你也会帮助她陷入痛苦。

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